Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
