do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
