summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
