Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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