fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I smell like Dick and happiness
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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