upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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