she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
