I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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