it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
