alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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