I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
