don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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