Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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