Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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