Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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