i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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