dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
