id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
