Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
