I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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