I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
