I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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