so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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