she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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