Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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