I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
