the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
