I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
