butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
