I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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