and she was petting her beer can
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
