I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
