Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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