My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
