In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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