So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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