id be glad to
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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