I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
