I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
