Your tits are I can't wait for
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
