dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Everyone says I win the strip club
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
