Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
