that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
