These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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