Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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