my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
