I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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