ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
