His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
