Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
