yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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