How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i love accidental penises.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
