meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
