I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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