PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize