I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
