I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
