we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
