porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
