If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
