I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
