My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pooping to opera.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
