I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
