Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
