I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
