$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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